Friday, 13 March 2015
1. Claudius II banned marriage for young Roman men because he believed single men made better soldiers.
2. Out of the roughly 850 million websites that exist today, 85 to 255 million of them are porn sites.
3. Researchers have found that they can accurately predict heart disease rates by analyzing negative tweets on Twitter. Golden facts
Monday, 9 March 2015
Is she the one? 10 signs that your girlfriend is wife material
It can be the same kind of music or the same hobbies or even just a love of books. If there are things you both like to do, that’s a good sign you are entering a marriage of happiness and longevity.
Marriage is one of the most important journeys that a person can embark on. It is life-changing and can be destructive if it is embarked on with the wrong person. You have to be absolutely sure that the woman in your life is someone you’ll be happy spending time with every day of your life, forever. Here are 10 signs that the woman in your life will make a good wife.1. She’s Nurturing
A woman who will make a good wife has to be caring and nurturing. She’s going to be majorly responsible for the well-being of you and your children. She should be kind and compassionate, willing to take care of others without grumbling.
2. She’s Dependable
A great wife should be someone you can trust and rely on. She should be someone who will support her man no matter what, someone you know you can count on, come rain, come shine.
3. She’s Respectful
Disrespect is one of the major causes of marital dysfunction. The woman you decide to marry should respect you no matter what. She should respect your family and your friends, even if she doesn’t like them. She should be a respectful person all round.
4. She’s Humble
A proud woman will encourage grudges and nothing destroys relationships faster than malice. The ideal wife should be able to apologize even when she isn’t in the wrong.
5. She’s emotionally stable
The woman you decide to marry should be stable emotionally and otherwise. An emotionally unstable woman can’t handle the pressures of marriage. She should be mature and know how to handle situations without constantly losing her cool. You don’t want to marry a woman who will break down in tears over every little challenge.
6. She loves children
The ideal wife should love children. She should like to have them around her and willing to play with them always. This is a sign that she’ll be capable of taking care of the family you build together.
7. She can cook
She doesn’t have to be a chef but a great wife should be able to feed her family.
8. You have a lot in common
It can be the same kind of music or the same hobbies or even just a love of books. If there are things you both like to do, that’s a good sign you are entering a marriage of happiness and longevity.
9. You have great communication
There is nothing more important in a relationship than communication, and if you are considering making it official by marrying her, you have to feel comfortable talking with her about any and everything. The more you communicate with your woman, the less likely the two of you will get into arguments because you both will be able to talk about your problems instead of holding them in.
10. You can laugh together
Mutual laughter is an essential component of a strong and healthy marriage. Romance is much better if you can see humour in the little things and can have a laugh together.
Above all, you must remember that there’s no such thing as a perfect person so there can’t be a perfect wife. Love is about accepting that person you’ve chosen even with all their flaws and deciding to love them no matter what.
Saturday, 7 March 2015
REVEALED: Meet The Man Claimed to be The Father of Nadia Buari’s babies
According to the reports, Nadia had a fiance who is currently with her in Atlanta and he is the father of the twins.
Nadia Buari’s father confirmed that the actress had given birth to twins, but everybody wanted to know if Jim Iyke who was known to be dating the actress was the father. Reports surfacing from Ghanaspy seem to disprove the Jim Iyke theory insisting that the two love birds had broken up soon after Jim proposed to Nadia last year on one of the episode’s of the actor’s reality TV show, Jim Iyke Unscripted and that he was not the father of the twins.
According to the reports, Nadia had a fiance who is currently with her in Atlanta and he is the father of the twins.
The beautiful Actress after breaking up with Jim Iyke posted a photo of herself with a new guy who was believed to be her new boyfriend on Instagram and Nadia never denied rumors of her dating the dude who stays in America.
Nadia gave birth in America. Could this American guy in the picture be the father of the actress’s twins?
What is the world turning to?
Club in PH where Ladies take off their Clothes to Entertain Customers
See + 18 Video here>>>>> http://bit.ly/
Club in PH where Ladies take off their Clothes to Entertain Customers
See + 18 Video here>>>>> http://bit.ly/
Thursday, 5 March 2015
Teacher: If I give you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2 cats, how many will you have?
Akpos: Seven.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently.
If I give you 2apples, and another 2 apples and another 2 apples, how many will you
have?
Akpos: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2cats and another 2 cats, how many cats will you have?
Akpos: Seven!!!
Teacher (angry): Where did you get your seven from?
Akpos: Because I already have 1 cat at Home!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An old woman boarded a bus going to Lagos from Calabar and told the driver to let her know when they arrive Benin. The driver nodded. After several hours of driving, the old woman asked, "Driver, have we gotten to Benin?" "Ooooh!!" The driver exclaimed, "Madam, we passed Benin 4 hours ago!" The woman cried aloud, "I want you to turn this vehicle back to beinin or else!..." Hesitantly and out of respect for the old woman, everybody in the vehicle convinced the driver to go back to Benin. When they got to Benin, the driver came down, opened the door of the bus and told the woman they had arrived in Benin. The woman simply opened her handbag, brought out a pack of paracetamol drugs, removed two tablets and swallowed them with a cup of water. She smiled and said, "My daughter said I should take two tablets of panadol when I get to Benin
Pleas if you were in this bus, what would you do?
Pleas if you were in this bus, what would you do?
Wednesday, 4 March 2015
SO WICKED; Guy leaks private video of university girl because she was rude to him (SEE IT)
The Guy said “This was one of the rudest girls I ever met. Never was originally going to expose her but her attitude landed her an expose.
SeeVideo>>>> HERE
PLEASE IF YOU ARE SCARED OF GHOSTS,PLS DON'T WATCH THIS!!!
This footage was sent to me and supposedly filmed in 2010 on HALLOWEEN which is super creepy. I'm note sure what to make of it other than you can clearly see a ghostly figure move through the hall. What do you think?
SEe Video >>>>> HERE
more pics below:
Tuesday, 3 March 2015
Government announced that if U have 5 kids, ur salary will be increased to #500,000. A man heard the news and said to his wife, I have a kid with my girlfriend. I'm going to bring him so we can add him to our 4 kids. When he came back, he saw only one of his kids remaining. He asked, where are the other 3? His wife replied, you are not the only one who heard the news. THEIR FATHERS HAVE COME FOR THEM.
Teacher gave an assignment on
drawing to draw any nice picture.
After 5 mins Akpors submited a
blank page.
Teacher: wat did u draw
Akpors : a cow eating grass, sir
Teacher: bt there is no grass
here
Akpos: the cow ate them all
Teacher: now where is the cow?
Akpos: there was no more grass
so the cow left
one word 4 akpos
drawing to draw any nice picture.
After 5 mins Akpors submited a
blank page.
Teacher: wat did u draw
Akpors : a cow eating grass, sir
Teacher: bt there is no grass
here
Akpos: the cow ate them all
Teacher: now where is the cow?
Akpos: there was no more grass
so the cow left
one word 4 akpos
HORNY MAN
A wife went on holiday leaving the husband behind. The husband got so horny one day that he decided to try the maid who had just come from Nsukka village and who seemed clever. He called the maid to his bedroom where he had taken off his pants, he pointed to his manhood when the maid arrived.
HUSBAND: Do you know what this is?
MAID: (Acting shy) Yes.
HUSBAND: Do you know what it's for?
MAID: Yes.
HUSBAND: Show me.
The maid immediately dropped to her knees, held the item with both hands, drew closer and opened her mouth. The man was shivering with anticipation . The maid then began, "My name is Chinasa , I'm 23 years old and I'm from Nsukka. I want to give a shout-out to my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Chigozie, my uncle, brother Nnamdi aka 'chop my money' and my aunty, Mrs. Ifeoma. I would also like to tell my boyfriend, Johnny, that I miss him. Can you play me 'Ashawo' by Flavour?"
Then finally says to the man, "Oga, take your microphone, I'm through.
man faints
A wife went on holiday leaving the husband behind. The husband got so horny one day that he decided to try the maid who had just come from Nsukka village and who seemed clever. He called the maid to his bedroom where he had taken off his pants, he pointed to his manhood when the maid arrived.
HUSBAND: Do you know what this is?
MAID: (Acting shy) Yes.
HUSBAND: Do you know what it's for?
MAID: Yes.
HUSBAND: Show me.
The maid immediately dropped to her knees, held the item with both hands, drew closer and opened her mouth. The man was shivering with anticipation . The maid then began, "My name is Chinasa , I'm 23 years old and I'm from Nsukka. I want to give a shout-out to my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Chigozie, my uncle, brother Nnamdi aka 'chop my money' and my aunty, Mrs. Ifeoma. I would also like to tell my boyfriend, Johnny, that I miss him. Can you play me 'Ashawo' by Flavour?"
Then finally says to the man, "Oga, take your microphone, I'm through.
man faints
A lady went to the store to buy a parrot and asks the sales person "What's so special about the parrot ?"
Sales person" this parrot can talk" So the lady asks the parrot " how do i look?" The parrot replies " you look like a fcuking Slut?"
The lady gets pissed off and tells the sales person that its a very rude parrot and she cannot buy it.
The sales person tells her to please wait for 2 mins.
The... sales person takes the parrot to the back of the store and shoves the parrot into a bucket of water and when he pulls the parrot out he says "if you disrespect the lady out there I'll soak you in water again" and takes the parrot back outside.
The sales person asked the lady to ask the parrot another question.
Lady: "if i come home with 1 man what would you think?"
Parrot: "he's your husband"
Lady: "2 men"
Parrot "your husband and his brother"
Lady: "3 men"
Parrot: "your husband, his brother & your brother"
Lady : "4 men"
Parrot: "bring the fcuking bucket of water, I already told you she's a slut!
Sales person" this parrot can talk" So the lady asks the parrot " how do i look?" The parrot replies " you look like a fcuking Slut?"
The lady gets pissed off and tells the sales person that its a very rude parrot and she cannot buy it.
The sales person tells her to please wait for 2 mins.
The... sales person takes the parrot to the back of the store and shoves the parrot into a bucket of water and when he pulls the parrot out he says "if you disrespect the lady out there I'll soak you in water again" and takes the parrot back outside.
The sales person asked the lady to ask the parrot another question.
Lady: "if i come home with 1 man what would you think?"
Parrot: "he's your husband"
Lady: "2 men"
Parrot "your husband and his brother"
Lady: "3 men"
Parrot: "your husband, his brother & your brother"
Lady : "4 men"
Parrot: "bring the fcuking bucket of water, I already told you she's a slut!
Wife: Give me your
phone for a second.
Akpos: Wait let me
switch it on.
Delete video.
Delete picture.
Delete music.
Delete private folder
Delete number.
Delete sms.
Delete out goin calls.
Delete incomin calls.
Delete mms.
Delete what's app.
Delete bbm.
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
FORMAT Memory Card.
Here u go I have nothing
to hide from u!!
Wife: I just wanted to
see the time!
Akpos faints
One word for Akpos
phone for a second.
Akpos: Wait let me
switch it on.
Delete video.
Delete picture.
Delete music.
Delete private folder
Delete number.
Delete sms.
Delete out goin calls.
Delete incomin calls.
Delete mms.
Delete what's app.
Delete bbm.
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
Delete
FORMAT Memory Card.
Here u go I have nothing
to hide from u!!
Wife: I just wanted to
see the time!
Akpos faints
One word for Akpos
Monday, 2 March 2015
White only
Akpos was the only black man on a cruise ship that
was about to sink. He was the toilet cleaner on the
ship.
The white people looked among themselves for
someone to pray but no one wanted to as everyone
was scared. With tears in his eyes, the ship captain
suddenly spotted Akpos. He pointed his finger at
him and shouted, ”You! Pray for us!”
Afraid he would be punished for not listening, Akpos
agreed and started his prayer with confidence,
“Lord, as I was boarding this ship, it said ‘WHITES
ONLY'. When I wanted to use the bathroom, the sign
said ‘WHITES ONLY’. When I went to the tables for
food, it said, ‘WHITES ONLY'. So Lord, as this ship is
about to sink, I pray that you take ‘WHITES ONLY’
“AMEN”
Akpos was the only black man on a cruise ship that
was about to sink. He was the toilet cleaner on the
ship.
The white people looked among themselves for
someone to pray but no one wanted to as everyone
was scared. With tears in his eyes, the ship captain
suddenly spotted Akpos. He pointed his finger at
him and shouted, ”You! Pray for us!”
Afraid he would be punished for not listening, Akpos
agreed and started his prayer with confidence,
“Lord, as I was boarding this ship, it said ‘WHITES
ONLY'. When I wanted to use the bathroom, the sign
said ‘WHITES ONLY’. When I went to the tables for
food, it said, ‘WHITES ONLY'. So Lord, as this ship is
about to sink, I pray that you take ‘WHITES ONLY’
“AMEN”
Akpos was driving through express when he saw a woman that was selling meat.He stopped and asked the woman.
Akpos: how much is ur meat?
Woman: #14,000
Akpos: Is too
expensive madam,let me give u #8,000.
Woman: Nooo it's #12,000 last price.
Akpos drove away and drive back after 10mins.
Akpos: Ok, i will give you the money (he removed his wallet and he was counting some money). Pls help
me to put the meat in my boot.
The woman opened the Boot and place the Meat On the Floor.
Akpos just drove off without paying when he got home he
was happy.
When he opened d boot,he couldn't find "any meat"
Plz who is d real 419 here???
Akpos Or the Woman???
***************
Akpos: how much is ur meat?
Woman: #14,000
Akpos: Is too
expensive madam,let me give u #8,000.
Woman: Nooo it's #12,000 last price.
Akpos drove away and drive back after 10mins.
Akpos: Ok, i will give you the money (he removed his wallet and he was counting some money). Pls help
me to put the meat in my boot.
The woman opened the Boot and place the Meat On the Floor.
Akpos just drove off without paying when he got home he
was happy.
When he opened d boot,he couldn't find "any meat"
Plz who is d real 419 here???
Akpos Or the Woman???
***************
The President balls
Akpos went into the Bank of America to
deposit $250,000. Because of the large sum, the
president of the bank was summoned.
The president asked, "Sir, how did you come
upon such a large sum of money?"
Akpos replied, "I make bets."
Confused, the president asked, "What kind of bets?"
Akpos answered, "For instance, I can bet you
$25,000 that your balls are flat and not round."
After having serious thoughts on the issue, the
president, having excused himself and examined
his balls well to make sure they are round, decided
to agree to the Akpos's bet.
Akpos said he would have to feel the balls
himself to prove to him they are really square the
next day with a witness around.
The president said, "Since $25,000 is such a huge
sum, I guess I don't mind having you feel my balls
in the presence of a third party."
"Good" Akpos said, "see you tomorrow at
10am."
The next day at 10am, Akpos came to the
president's office with a well dressed man in suit
that looked a bit worried. The president zipped down
his pants and brought out his manhood. Akpos
grabbed the balls, caressed them for
several minutes.
The other man at this point was angry, banging his
fists on the wall, as well as his head, grumbling and
cursing.
The president looked at him, confused, then he
asked Akpos, "What is wrong with your
friend?"
Then Akpos replied, "Don't mind him, yesterday
I bet him a $100,000 that by 10am today, I will have
the Bank of America's president's balls in my
hands."
Akpos went into the Bank of America to
deposit $250,000. Because of the large sum, the
president of the bank was summoned.
The president asked, "Sir, how did you come
upon such a large sum of money?"
Akpos replied, "I make bets."
Confused, the president asked, "What kind of bets?"
Akpos answered, "For instance, I can bet you
$25,000 that your balls are flat and not round."
After having serious thoughts on the issue, the
president, having excused himself and examined
his balls well to make sure they are round, decided
to agree to the Akpos's bet.
Akpos said he would have to feel the balls
himself to prove to him they are really square the
next day with a witness around.
The president said, "Since $25,000 is such a huge
sum, I guess I don't mind having you feel my balls
in the presence of a third party."
"Good" Akpos said, "see you tomorrow at
10am."
The next day at 10am, Akpos came to the
president's office with a well dressed man in suit
that looked a bit worried. The president zipped down
his pants and brought out his manhood. Akpos
grabbed the balls, caressed them for
several minutes.
The other man at this point was angry, banging his
fists on the wall, as well as his head, grumbling and
cursing.
The president looked at him, confused, then he
asked Akpos, "What is wrong with your
friend?"
Then Akpos replied, "Don't mind him, yesterday
I bet him a $100,000 that by 10am today, I will have
the Bank of America's president's balls in my
hands."
Policeman: Akpos, how did you kill 47 people in a car accident? Akpos: I dey driving at about 40mph, when I tried
to stop I found that my breaks no dey work again. So I saw 2 men walking on the
street and a wedding on the other side of the street, na where i go turn to? Policeman:
Of course the 2 men, less damage. Then what happened?
Akpos: na wetin I think o, but when I did it, na only one
person i hit and the other one
ran to the wedding, so i pursue
the other one go the
wedding...
to stop I found that my breaks no dey work again. So I saw 2 men walking on the
street and a wedding on the other side of the street, na where i go turn to? Policeman:
Of course the 2 men, less damage. Then what happened?
Akpos: na wetin I think o, but when I did it, na only one
person i hit and the other one
ran to the wedding, so i pursue
the other one go the
wedding...
Conversation between God and
akpos...
Akpos: God can I ask u a
question?
God:sure!
Akpos:promise u won't get mad
at me.
God: I promise.
Akpos: why did u let so much
happen to me today?
God: how do u mean?
Akpos:well I woke up late, God:
yes.
Akpos:my car took forever to
start.
God: okay.
Akpos:at lunch the made me a
wrong sandwich and I had to
wait. God: hmmm.
Akpos:on my way home, my fone
went dead just as I was about to
pick up a call.
God:Alright.
Akpos: and on top of it all, wen I
got home I just wanted to soak
my feet in my new foot massager
and relax, but it wudnt work!
Nothing went right! Why did u do
dat?
God: let me see, the death angel
was at ur bed dis morning and I
had to send one of my angels to
battle him for ur life, I let u sleep
tru that.
Akpos:(humbled) oh!
God:I did not want ur car to start
because there was a drunk driver
on ur route that wud have hit Ɣou
if were on the road.
Akpos:(ashamed)
GOD: the first person who made
ur sandwich today was sick and I
didn't want Ɣou to catch the flu, I
knew u cudnt afford to miss
work.
Akpos:(embarrassed) okay.
God:your fone went dead cos the
person dat was calling was going
to give false witness about what u
said on that call, I did not even let
u talk to dem so u cud be covered.
Akpos:(softly) I see God.
God:on the foot massager, it had
shortage that was going to throw
out all of the power in your house
tonight. I didn't think u wanted to
be in the dark.
Akpos: I'm sorry God.
God: don't be sorry, just learn
trust me in all things, the good
and the bad.
Akpos: I will trust u.
God: and don't doubt cos my plan
for ur day is always better than ur
plan.
Akpos: I won't, and God let me
just tell u thank u for everything
today.
God:your welcome my child, its
just another day being ur God and
I love looking after my children..
If ur grateful to God for all he has
done and the ones He is yet to do,
akpos...
Akpos: God can I ask u a
question?
God:sure!
Akpos:promise u won't get mad
at me.
God: I promise.
Akpos: why did u let so much
happen to me today?
God: how do u mean?
Akpos:well I woke up late, God:
yes.
Akpos:my car took forever to
start.
God: okay.
Akpos:at lunch the made me a
wrong sandwich and I had to
wait. God: hmmm.
Akpos:on my way home, my fone
went dead just as I was about to
pick up a call.
God:Alright.
Akpos: and on top of it all, wen I
got home I just wanted to soak
my feet in my new foot massager
and relax, but it wudnt work!
Nothing went right! Why did u do
dat?
God: let me see, the death angel
was at ur bed dis morning and I
had to send one of my angels to
battle him for ur life, I let u sleep
tru that.
Akpos:(humbled) oh!
God:I did not want ur car to start
because there was a drunk driver
on ur route that wud have hit Ɣou
if were on the road.
Akpos:(ashamed)
GOD: the first person who made
ur sandwich today was sick and I
didn't want Ɣou to catch the flu, I
knew u cudnt afford to miss
work.
Akpos:(embarrassed) okay.
God:your fone went dead cos the
person dat was calling was going
to give false witness about what u
said on that call, I did not even let
u talk to dem so u cud be covered.
Akpos:(softly) I see God.
God:on the foot massager, it had
shortage that was going to throw
out all of the power in your house
tonight. I didn't think u wanted to
be in the dark.
Akpos: I'm sorry God.
God: don't be sorry, just learn
trust me in all things, the good
and the bad.
Akpos: I will trust u.
God: and don't doubt cos my plan
for ur day is always better than ur
plan.
Akpos: I won't, and God let me
just tell u thank u for everything
today.
God:your welcome my child, its
just another day being ur God and
I love looking after my children..
If ur grateful to God for all he has
done and the ones He is yet to do,
"One day oga decided 2 surprise his wife.
He took all day to bake a cake in the shape of a big
HEART
with the help of the
maid.
The maid asked oga what the shape meant and he
simply said
"LOVE".
Madam came back shouting at the maid who she met
sleeping.
Madam: will u get up now! Stupid girl what hv u bn
doing
since morning?
Maid: Madam no vex abeg.
Me & oga dey make LOVE since morning na just now
now
we finish I say make I lie
down rest small."
The woman fainted.
Who must this maid be?
He took all day to bake a cake in the shape of a big
HEART
with the help of the
maid.
The maid asked oga what the shape meant and he
simply said
"LOVE".
Madam came back shouting at the maid who she met
sleeping.
Madam: will u get up now! Stupid girl what hv u bn
doing
since morning?
Maid: Madam no vex abeg.
Me & oga dey make LOVE since morning na just now
now
we finish I say make I lie
down rest small."
The woman fainted.
Who must this maid be?
Akpos was robbed by armed robbers,the
bag which he was holding was collected
from him..After the robbers had left,Akpos
was just laughing while he was on his way back home.
When a man saw him laughing,thinki
asked akpos,
Man: why are you laughing?..what
Akpos: i was robbed by armed robbers..
Man: is that why you are laughing?..
Akpos: not just that,they collected my bag..
Man: but thats not funny.
Akpos: i'm laughing because the bag which i was
holding contain fresh 'shit' of mine which i wanted to
go and throw away.
i guess they helped me..
One word for akpors!!
bag which he was holding was collected
from him..After the robbers had left,Akpos
was just laughing while he was on his way back home.
When a man saw him laughing,thinki
asked akpos,
Man: why are you laughing?..what
Akpos: i was robbed by armed robbers..
Man: is that why you are laughing?..
Akpos: not just that,they collected my bag..
Man: but thats not funny.
Akpos: i'm laughing because the bag which i was
holding contain fresh 'shit' of mine which i wanted to
go and throw away.
i guess they helped me..
One word for akpors!!
Landlord's daughter
This evening, Akpos' Landlord was
complaining dat Ofego had impregnanted
his
daughter. .As Akpos over-heard d landlord
shouting, he came out of his house and
asked d landlord.Akpos:
Ofego done dis time?.Landlord:
mind to impregnant my only
daughter.Akpos:
of
wat u are saying?.Landlor
i saw mydaughter vomitting, wen i noticed
dat she was pregnant, i asked her who
impregnanted her& she said dat Ofego is d
one who impregnanted her.Akpos:
Abomination, Ofego is afool, he is a bastard.
Oga landlordsince i have been sleeping with
ur wife, have u got any reportthat i have
impregnanted her?
This evening, Akpos' Landlord was
complaining dat Ofego had impregnanted
his
daughter. .As Akpos over-heard d landlord
shouting, he came out of his house and
asked d landlord.Akpos:
Ofego done dis time?.Landlord:
mind to impregnant my only
daughter.Akpos:
of
wat u are saying?.Landlor
i saw mydaughter vomitting, wen i noticed
dat she was pregnant, i asked her who
impregnanted her& she said dat Ofego is d
one who impregnanted her.Akpos:
Abomination, Ofego is afool, he is a bastard.
Oga landlordsince i have been sleeping with
ur wife, have u got any reportthat i have
impregnanted her?
Sunday, 1 March 2015
GOLDEN JOKES
Akpos IN COURT
Judge: now then,please tell me
what are the charges against
you ??.
Akpos: i was caught shopping
very early ...
Judge: That doesnt seem like an
offence to me..what do you mean
by "very early"??
Akpos: Well your Honour , it was
before the shop was open..
discribe Akpos
Judge: now then,please tell me
what are the charges against
you ??.
Akpos: i was caught shopping
very early ...
Judge: That doesnt seem like an
offence to me..what do you mean
by "very early"??
Akpos: Well your Honour , it was
before the shop was open..
discribe Akpos
Akpos, rukewe and John decided to go to China for vacation.
Since they were new to the place they had to stay
in a hotel. And their room was on the
60th floor. The policy of the hotel was that at
midnight the elevators were shut down. The next
day, this guys rented a car and explored the city. They enjoyed themselves and arrived at the hotel
past midnight. The elevators were shut down.
There was no other way to get to their room but
to take the stairs all the way to the 60th floor.
John said'''for the first 20 floors, I will tell jokes to keep us going. Then Tito could say
wise stories for the next 20 floors and lastly, we will
cover the final 20 floors with sad stories from akpos.''
So,John
started with jokes. With laughs and joy, they
reached the 20th floor. Tito started
saying stories full of wisdom. They learned a lot while reaching the 40th floor.
Now it was time for sad stories. So, Akpos
started: ‘My first sad story is that I left the key for
the room in the car'
Since they were new to the place they had to stay
in a hotel. And their room was on the
60th floor. The policy of the hotel was that at
midnight the elevators were shut down. The next
day, this guys rented a car and explored the city. They enjoyed themselves and arrived at the hotel
past midnight. The elevators were shut down.
There was no other way to get to their room but
to take the stairs all the way to the 60th floor.
John said'''for the first 20 floors, I will tell jokes to keep us going. Then Tito could say
wise stories for the next 20 floors and lastly, we will
cover the final 20 floors with sad stories from akpos.''
So,John
started with jokes. With laughs and joy, they
reached the 20th floor. Tito started
saying stories full of wisdom. They learned a lot while reaching the 40th floor.
Now it was time for sad stories. So, Akpos
started: ‘My first sad story is that I left the key for
the room in the car'
JOB WAHALA!!!
A graduate in Biology from University of Benin was having difficulty in finding a job. He saw an advert in one of the daily newspapers for a job at a zoo. In the interview, the manager told him that their gorilla, which had been tourists attraction has died so theyneeded someone to dress up & pretend as gorilla. The graduate was embarrassed, but since the salary
was OK, he accepted the job. The 1st day, he put on the gorilla skin & entered the cage, he started
jumping up and down, beat his chest & roared like gorilla. The next day, he put on a gorilla skin & started moving around the zoo again & mistakenly
entered another cage and found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared & rushed towards him. The
scared graduate quickly forgot that he is a gorilla & started shouting like human, "Help! Help!" The lion
leaped onto him,knocked him to the ground & whispered in his ear "sodiq" it's me lekan, ur course mate. Shut up or we'll both lose our job.
A graduate in Biology from University of Benin was having difficulty in finding a job. He saw an advert in one of the daily newspapers for a job at a zoo. In the interview, the manager told him that their gorilla, which had been tourists attraction has died so theyneeded someone to dress up & pretend as gorilla. The graduate was embarrassed, but since the salary
was OK, he accepted the job. The 1st day, he put on the gorilla skin & entered the cage, he started
jumping up and down, beat his chest & roared like gorilla. The next day, he put on a gorilla skin & started moving around the zoo again & mistakenly
entered another cage and found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared & rushed towards him. The
scared graduate quickly forgot that he is a gorilla & started shouting like human, "Help! Help!" The lion
leaped onto him,knocked him to the ground & whispered in his ear "sodiq" it's me lekan, ur course mate. Shut up or we'll both lose our job.
Akpos Asks teacher: Excuse ma, if you mix Omo and klin , will there be foam? Teacher respond: Yes of course, why ask such a stupid question at the beginning of the year, are you going to pass this class at all? Akpos laughs and whisper to the other kids, such a dumb teacher, how can u get foam without adding water, are we going to know anythin at all wit dis teacher?!
Teacher: Who is the president of
Nigeria?
Akpors: I don't know madam.
Teacher: U need to focus more
on your
studies.
Akpors: Please madam, can I ask
u a few
questions.
Teacher: Yes, go ahead.
Akpors: Do u know Rita?
Teacher: No.
Akpors: Do u know Joy?
Teacher: No.
Akpors: Do u know Kate?
Teacher: (Angry) Hell no! Who
are all these
people and why do u
ask?
Akpors: You need to Focus more
on your
husband. shikena
Nigeria?
Akpors: I don't know madam.
Teacher: U need to focus more
on your
studies.
Akpors: Please madam, can I ask
u a few
questions.
Teacher: Yes, go ahead.
Akpors: Do u know Rita?
Teacher: No.
Akpors: Do u know Joy?
Teacher: No.
Akpors: Do u know Kate?
Teacher: (Angry) Hell no! Who
are all these
people and why do u
ask?
Akpors: You need to Focus more
on your
husband. shikena
A lady and Akpos were having drinks at the bar.
Later that night the woman whispered
to Akpos,
"LET'S GO TO MY PLACE".
So they left. At the woman's place they starte kissing and undressing each other, then the lady
whispered in the sexiest voice,
"TIE ME ON THE BED AND DO WHAT U DO BEST"
Akpos tied her on the bed and...and...
ran away with her TV, Laptop,
Blackberry, ipad and iphone.
she fainted!
Later that night the woman whispered
to Akpos,
"LET'S GO TO MY PLACE".
So they left. At the woman's place they starte kissing and undressing each other, then the lady
whispered in the sexiest voice,
"TIE ME ON THE BED AND DO WHAT U DO BEST"
Akpos tied her on the bed and...and...
ran away with her TV, Laptop,
Blackberry, ipad and iphone.
she fainted!
Elasticity In a Physics class... TEACHER: Our topic for today is Elasticity. Who among you can define Elasticity? KWAME: It occurs when a material regain it's original shape and size after it has been stretched. TEACHER: Excellent! Who can give me an example of a material that undergoes this process? AKPOS: A Penis!
Exam Scores Akpos' father wanted him and his brother, Mike to get an A in their mathematics exam. So he employed a mathematics tutor to help them pass their exams. They did the exams and few days later, the result of their scores came out. Akpos had an E. As Akpos was going home, he saw his brother with a swollen head, limping towards him. Surprised, Akpos asked him, "What happened? Who did this to you?" Mike slowly and painfully replied, "Daddy did this to me, because I had a B in Maths." Akpos has not been found for the past two weeks now!
You Have Failed! The President, was campaigning for the presidential Election in one of the State. As soon as he mounted the podium to speak, people started chanting "'You have failed!' ‘You have failed!’. Disturbed, the President stopped speaking and said: "Everywhere I go, people say I have failed. Everywhere I go, people say I’ve failed. Now, if you are in school and you fail your exams, what do you do? You repeat. So people, let me repeat. Give me another four years.”
GOLDEN JOKES
Good Friend TEACHER: Why are you looking at Kwame's exam paper? AKPOS: Just looking if he got the answer right.
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